


He Still Cries for You

by RedCatEye



Category: WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a YT vid, Blood, Canon Divergence, Depression, Implied Attempted Suicide, Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, Self-Harm, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-17 20:23:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5884216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedCatEye/pseuds/RedCatEye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth was sure that Dean had moved on. But he never thought that things were a lot worse than he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He's not worth it

**Author's Note:**

> Title based on a YouTube video by Paquim with the same name. Some really dark themes will be in this fix so be warned.
> 
> If you're okay with all of that and wish to proceed, then by all means go ahead and I hope you enjoy.

Seth couldn't sleep. 

 

It was a normal thing, being restless since he was a night owl, but he's bone tired and he wanted to get some rest but his brain just wouldn't let him. He was already in bed, covers up to his chest as he stared up at the dark ceiling. He figured this was caused by his conversation with Roman earlier. He turned to his side, pillow hugged close to his chest as he recalled those moments.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a Smackdown taping and Rollins was doing his usual stretches when he heard heavy footsteps get louder. He really didn't want to talk to anyone but he straightened up anyway, a bit surprised and nervous to see Roman headed his way, WWE title over his shoulder. Roman looked pissed and Seth really didn't want to get a black eye, especially when he had a match on next. 

 

"We need to talk," The big man went straight to the point. His tone sounded dangerous and Seth had to pray that Roman wasn't gonna punch him for no reason. "About Dean."

 

Dean was still a sore subject for him, even after more than a year after the Shield's implosion. After Dean and Seth's feud that quickly followed the stable's break-up, Seth never talked to Dean ever again since the latter probably never wanted to see him anyway. For the two or so years Seth had known Dean, he knew that the unstable man would inevitably ignore his target once he beat them up consecutively, and Rollins was sure that Ambrose had all his pent-up rage released during their feud. 

Still, the half-blonde felt an unexpected feeling of...dread, it felt like, but he couldn't be sure. He nodded once to sort of tell Roman to go ahead.

 

The Samoan took a deep breath before taking the title belt from his shoulder and placing it on the floor. It was by that simple action that Seth knew that this had nothing to do with work, nothing about Dean being Intercontinental champ. No, this was Roman, his former brother, talking to him without the air of a champion.

Reigns' eyebrows furrowed together as he thought about how to start, his hands were being rubbed against each other. "Dean's...he's...getting worse, Seth."

"Worse?" Seth repeated, his concern blowing into complete suspense. "Worse how?"

Roman's eyes were getting watery, Seth observed when the larger man looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to hold back the premature tears. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it. Instead, he reached for his pocket and pulled out his phone, swiping and tapping at the screen before handing it over to the younger man.

"Just...just look."

With shaky hands, Seth took the device and a still unplayed video was displayed on the bright screen. The image it displayed while paused was of Roman a little too close for the camera, probably pressing record or whatever. Seth tapped at the middle of the screen and the video started playing.

 

At first, nothing bad was happening: Just Roman walking as he held the phone, making the video shaky and unfocused. He didn't speak, just looked dead-serious and worried. He walked to what seemed to be a bedroom, since the background changed and had fancy paintings on the walls. 

Seth heard a familiar heart-wrenching cry and in the video, Roman had rushed to where the bed probably was, putting the phone down on an angle that revealed Dean sitting on the edge of a large bed. Roman walked away quickly from the phone, clenched in his hand were medical gauze and a bottle of disinfectant or whatever. 

Dean was clutching his own left arm, his fingertips on both hands were drenched and dripping with bright red blood and some dripped down on the bed and the floor. Ambrose turned away once Roman got close to him.

 

"Get the fuck away from me!" The range of Roman's phone was close enough to record the sound but it still made Dean's voice sound garbled and distorted. But Seth could hear the desperation in the blonde's voice.

Dean trying to push Roman away was already a cause for concern for Rollins. He and the Samoan became inseperable after the Shield dismantled and he'd never push Roman away. But all Seth worried about was the amount of blood that was drenching the lunatic's clothes and the bed's sheets. 

Apparently, there was more.

 

It was Roman who was talking next. "Dean, I'm trying to help. I won't hurt you." Roman sounded as desperate as Ambrose did and, even though the older man was facing the phone's camera, Seth knew he was crying.

Dean turned to face Roman, but only to attempt to kick at the Samoan's stomach. Luckily, none of the hits landed anywhere near Roman's torso. "Liar!" The blonde snapped, his sudden movement caused blood to splatter and land on Roman's shoes. 

"You're a fucking liar, Roman! You're just gonna leave me like that fucking two-toned weasel did! Everyone in my life leaves me, Roman, and you're not an exception. And I can't take that anymore, so whether you like it or not, I'm doing this!"

"So this is about Seth, then?" Roman had put aside the medical supplies to grip Dean's shoulders and shake him. "Is he worth it, Dean? Is killing yourself over Seth worth it?! He's not coming back, Dean!"

 

Seth watched in horror as Dean rose from the bed and tackled Roman with incredible speed and strength and Dean probably straddled Reigns' stomach since he was the only one that could be seen within camera range. Choking sounds could be heard, as well as stammered pleads, and Seth almost wanted to give the phone back to its owner. He couldn't stand seeing his former friends like this. But he kept watching, could hear Roman pacing in front of him probably waiting for Seth to finish watching or give comments.

"SHUT UP!" Dean demanded, his voice had resorted to a growl from all the crying he probably did prior to the video, and he had, not only a murderous look in his eyes but also tears were running down his cheeks. "Shut your fucking mouth before I fucking snap your neck! I know he's not coming back, and I don't need you to tell me that! I already have people telling me that he left because of me!"

Dean's shoulders relaxed, his grip on Roman's throat thankfully loosened. "I don't know what I did wrong but I know it's all my fault." After catching his breath, Roman sat up and wrapped his arms around his best friend, Dean resting his head on the larger man's shoulder.

"I just want him back, Ro. If I could go back in time to fix everything, I'd make sure that we never split up, that he's still with me," Dean sniffled and Roman held him tighter.

The video ended at that point and Seth gave the item back to Roman, who accepted it without a word. Seth didn't know what to say, either, still trying to process how Dean broke down. So he never really got over the split. Seth thought that Dean was alright, with the way he acted in and out of the ring; Cocky as he always was. It never really occurred to the half-blonde that Ambrose was probably not feeling okay.

 

Although, in hindsight, Dean's way of coping with it was to be expected. He was never a normal man with normal habits and normal coping methods. It was easy for him to to fall back to that dark mindset he'd buried so long ago. Seth felt even more remorse about his decision after seeing Dean drop so low, after witnessing him so broken and needing of his attention.

 

"He needs you, Seth," Roman confessed, his left hand coming to rest on Seth's right shoulder. "I'm asking you; Please, talk to him. I'm not saying for everything to go back to the way they used to be. All I'm asking for is for you to give Dean the closure he needs and deserves, tell him that he's not at fault for what happened between us."

The Samoan shook Seth slightly to get him back to reality. "I'm asking you as a brother. I know that you can get him out of the dark place he's in."

 

And with that, Roman crouched to retrieve his title belt and walked away, leaving Seth confused as to what he should do.


	2. I'm not worth it

The half-blonde tossed and turned in his bed, trying to will himself to sleep but he just couldn't doze off. The thought of Dean hurting and blaming himself for what happened almost two years ago was eating away at Seth, gnawing at his conscience. He never thought that Dean would resort to self-harming. Well, he punched a few walls and  _accidentally_ injured himself but he'd never willingly take a blade or a lighter and scar himself. 

But that was the thing. Seth had been the one to push Dean to that level of despair, being the one responsible for his former best friend to resort to taking his anger out on himself and inflicting pain. It was horrible to think about and Seth wanted to just forget that Roman informed him of Dean's state. But he sat up on his bed anyway, rubbing his eyes as he kicked off the covers. He was still dressed in his street clothes in his haste to get some shut-eye so he just slipped on a pair of shoes, grabbed his room key and went out the door.

* * *

 

It took a lot of asking staff and he was sure he got lost at least twice but Seth managed to figure out where Dean's room was. Stopping in front of the door to catch his breath, (Seriously, what kind of hotel makes their elevator unavailable at one in the morning?) he thought about what he wanted to say and more importantly, if Dean even wanted to see him. But he decided to not let the latter concern nor distract him from his purpose.

He rose a fist to knock on the white wooden door of the room and instantly heard a few noises of collisions and hissed curses here and there. Footsteps were making muffled stomps around the room before eventually increasing in volume as Ambrose neared the door. The champion opened the door just enough so Seth could only see half of his face.

 

"The fuck do you want?" Dean's question sounded broken rather than angry, and Seth wondered if his former brother knew it. He didn't ask, though. Instead, he cleared his throat.

He struggled to look at Dean's eye, which looked tired and sleepy. Maybe Seth should just come back later when Dean wasn't sleeping, but something told him that maybe Dean wasn't sleeping at all.

"Roman told me to talk to you," There's no turning back. "Is...everything okay? You look terrible."

Dean glared at him, or did his best to show his annoyance with the single eye that Seth could see. But he remained silent as he opened the door, and Seth saw just how bad it really was.

 

Bloodied lines ran down both of the blonde's forearms, Seth knew they could only be scratch marks. Dean had an unhealthy habit of scratching at his skin when nervous or threatened but never to the point of breaking skin. But the blood from those wounds appeared dry so Rollins wondered why Dean's fingertips were still dripping the vital liquid. His shirt was specked with the red substance as well, so were the thighs of his sweatpants.

It didn't matter as Seth still stepped closer, a look of concern and horror on his face, and reached to take Dean's left arm in both hands. He looked at the limb closely, seeing fresh cuts on the wrist. Seth couldn't talk, couldn't breathe, but he had to say something. He felt tears stinging at the corners of his eyes but didn't do anything to wipe them away.

He looked up at Dean and his worry increased as he finally saw bruises on the right side of the handsome face. Another habit of Dean was to punch or slap himself during moments of failure or at least when he feels like failure. But again, he never did it to the point of marking him. Seth wanted to hold him, tell him everything was going to be alright, but how could he when things were clearly not okay?

 

"You look like you're gonna pass out," Dean observed with a weak smile. "I guess you should come in." Without breaking the hold Seth had on him, Dean led the half-blonde into the room, Seth clinging onto him as if Dean would disappear if he didn't. 

The room was messy, to say the least: Broken glass peppered the carpeted floor, droplets of blood stained the material and cracks could be seen on one of the walls, probably where Dean tried to crack his head on. The scene didn't make Seth feel better, if anything it made him feel worse, knowing that this and everything Dean was going through was all because of him, of his selfishness. 

Dean didn't seem to be bothered by the chaos in his place -Seth pushed aside the metaphor about it from his head- as he sat on the edge of the bed. Seth still held Dean's bloodied left arm as its owner settled his gaze on Seth's clothed stomach. They were in tense uncomfortable silence as Dean pressed his cheek against the toned belly, Seth unconsciously carding the fingers of his free hand through Dean's sweat-damp locks. The familiarity of the situation calmed and terrified him. How many nights have they spent in this exact position? How many tears have been shed and how many promises have been lied about? Seth had lost count. But frankly, he didn't want to think about it.

Dean needed him now more than ever and Seth figured he could give this to him, this one silent moment and the comfort of his presence. It seemed like that's all that he needed at that moment.

 

"I thought I was over it," Dean muttered out of nowhere, his words muffled by the cloth of Seth's shirt. "Over you. I thought that if I pretended long enough, then it'd be true. But seeing you every week, it's...it's killing me, y'know? Seeing you and not being able to just...run over and hug you like I used to."

He heard an audible gulp from the older man. "Every night's worse, though. The nightmares are getting worse and I lost count of all the times I've...looked beside me and realize that you're not there. Not anymore." Dean gripped him tighter, as if Seth would disappear if he loosened his grip. "I keep wondering what did I do? What did I do to make you leave us? Leave me?"

"Dean," Seth interrupted because Dean's miserable words were unbearable and he had to talk. "Let's get you cleaned up first." The shakiness in his voice was something Seth was expecting but what he didn't anticipate for was the way his hands were shivering as he moved them up and down Dean's back to soothe him. "You're losing blood."

To his surprise, Dean just nodded his head and stood up, making no protest whatsoever as Seth led him to the bathroom. It made it easier, though, but Seth couldn't help but feel like this wasn't...Dean. This wasn't the Dean who always refused to seek medical attention and insisted that he could treat his wounds by himself. 

And Seth wanted that Dean back.

 

Instead of just standing in the bathroom and waiting for his cuts to be treated, Dean retrieved the first-aid kit from the cabinet underneath the sink and handed it over to the half-blonde. Seth wondered how long Dean had been sitting in his room with those wounds. But he didn't have time to ask as blood continued to drip from Dean's fingertips.

He set to work in wiping away the blood with the toilet paper that was supplied in the bathroom since the first-aid kit Dean gave him had no cotton balls, the floor cluttered with bloodied paper pieces. After doing so, he made sure to disinfect the cuts before wrapping the wounded arm with a clean gauze.

All the while, Dean stayed silent, closely observing how Seth expertly cleaned and dressed his arm. Well, wasn't that a regular scene for them in the Shield? But the only difference between then and now was that there was less arguing and nagging between them.

Seth picked up the pieces of soiled paper from the floors, throwing them into the trash bin somewhere beside Dean's feet. All that's left to do was to address the elephant in the room.

 

"Dean, why do you- I don't-" At first, Seth didn't know what to say. Should he even say something? He might make things worse if he did. After a few moments of getting his thoughts together, he came up with one thing that he wanted Dean to remember.

"Dean, I'm not worth it."

"Maybe not," Dean replied, his voice tired. "But how could you tell what you're worth to me? You never asked me what I thought of you, Seth. Do you think that I would mess myself up this far if you weren't worth it?"

Ambrose drummed his fingers against the porcelain tiles behind him. 

"Ro told me the same thing. And I just... If I did something wrong, then I'm sorry, okay?" Dean's voice rose in volume, frustration and years worth of pain and anger leaving him after keeping them in for so long. "I'm sorry that I'm such a fuck-up! I'm sorry if I was never good enough for you! I'm sorry that I couldn't be as good as you expect me to be! I'm sorry f- "

Seth was pushing his limits as he pulled Dean closer for a kiss, the Armenian's eyes slipping shut in his relief to feel Dean's chapped lips against his again. He'd missed it more than anything, Dean kissing him was one of the best things about their past relationship, and Seth had given it up for personal gain.

For a few brief seconds, Dean was frozen in place but responded to the kiss nonetheless, having missed the sweet contact as well. He wanted to place his hands in Seth's hair but he figured that this was done to just shut him up from his depressed apology.

 

The moment ended when they both had to pull away to breathe a few moments later, blue eyes staring into brown in an attempt to assess how Seth was feeling.

"You're not a fuck-up," Seth said firmly, hands on either side of Dean's face. "You were good enough for me, you hear? You still are. You didn't do anything wrong, Dean."

A few more words or reassurance were shared between them before Dean expressed that he had to get some sleep, vaguely inviting Seth if he wanted to stay with the sentence "Room's a little messy but hopefully, you won't mind."

Seth had to say yes to that, and they walked back into the main room, Dean immediately laying down on the soft bed and Seth followed him. The Cincinnati native turned to his side to face Seth properly pulled the covers up the their shoulders and he fell asleep not even minutes later.

Seth stayed awake a few minutes after Dean had fallen asleep, tucking a piece of dirty blonde hair behind the older man's ear. This was another memory of their time together in the Shield, sharing the same bed was a common thing for them since they had to give the bigger bed to Roman.

 

Rollins shuffled closer to the sleeping man to whisper "I'm not worth it" before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking too long to update. I have another fic I'm working on and that's eating up a lot of my time. Hopefully, you enjoyed this fic and I'll see you in the next one!


End file.
